My Take on Parenting

The Countdown.

[quote]”I’m gonna count to 10!”[/quote]

How many times have you said this or something similar to your kids in order to try and scare them into doing what you’ve already asked them to do multiple times? For instance, my wife does this almost daily with our 3 year old. However, she prefers to use the 3 count method. This is an example of how it goes down:

[quote]”Sydney, I’m gonna count to 3 and if you don’t ‘insert whatever here’, I’m gonna “insert threat here”.[/quote]

pouting

And guess what? It almost NEVER works. And no matter how many times I try and explain this to my wife, she never listens, so she repeats this useless method over and over again. It’s frustrating to listen to, so I usually have to step in with this:

[quote]”Sydney I’m going to count to 1, and if I get to 1…”[/quote]

 

And guess what? I NEVER have to finish that sentence. Because half way through, she’s literally RUNNING to do whatever I originally asked her to do. Why? Well, it’s not rocket science, and it’s very easy to breakdown, and once you figure it out you will be beating your head against the wall thinking about all the hours you’ve wasted threatening your children, with accomplishing nothing but huge meltdowns from the child and one stressed out parent.

When you say to a child, I’m gonna count to 10… you are giving them the control and the time to decide if they are going to do what you asked. They are basically holding you hostage, because while they are taking their sweet time thinking it over, you are just getting more and more upset. Also a lot of the time, parents will actually count slowly and string the count down out, essentially giving the child even more time to be in control. Have you ever heard something like this before?

[quote]9… 9 1/2… 9 3/4…I’m about to get to 10 and when I get to 10…[/quote]

By doing things like this you are just letting them have even more control, and they know it. You should be the one in control, and it’s easy to do.

Step 1: Establish dominance. Use a stern voice, don’t be afraid to put some bass in it. I get loud, but never yell. There is no reason to get angry, mad or upset. They are simply going to do what I asked, or they will accept the consequences. Remember, if you get upset, they win, and yes, this is all a game to them. They are kids, this is how they think,  so accept it and just make sure you play their game a bit better, and most importantly, make sure you always win. Cheat if you need to, but you HAVE to always win. Always.

Step 2: Follow Through. Without getting upset (this is the hard part), if they refuse to do what you asked them to do, and if you have to ask them more than 1 time,  take away whatever privilege you think will make the most impact. So find whatever they love the most; video games, TV, hanging out with friends, or whatever they are into, and take it away. They will throw a HUGE fit, and it will be almost impossible for you to follow through with this, because no parent likes to see their child upset, but if you don’t, you will always lose.

That’s it! Don’t give them an option. They will either do what you asked of them or suffer the consequences. I think I’ve only had to punish my daughter once or twice with this – and the results have been incredible. Now she knows that when I have to raise my voice a little bit and get all daddy on her, she better comply, or else.

My wife wastes a lot of time by trying to reason with or coax my daughter into doing what she wants, when I usually get immediate results.

Remember, you should be the one in control, not the other way around.

I should write a book, because I’m awesome.

 

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7 comments
Danielle Campbell
Danielle Campbell

ever since i read this one a couple weeks ago i've been trying it and i couldnt believe how much better it works lol

Tammy Saunders Randall
Tammy Saunders Randall

I tried counting. Decided spanking was way more effective. Do I feel bad for spanking? Nope. I've 2 kids who've never gotten in trouble. My son is 22. Daughter is 14. My son is a non drinker, working, college student who is paying for his own college. He doesn't want student loans. My daughter does well in school and doesn't run with the wrong crowd. Parents these days are afraid to be the boss. Scared they kids won't like them. My take..they don't have to like me but the darn well better listen.

Les Robinson
Les Robinson

I also used to try the counting method..only worked until the kids were about 4..then I would get the crossed arms and the look of OK..lets see how upset your going to get and what your going to do about it...then I found "The Voice" similar to the "getting all daddy" mode..now when I use the voice , kids being teenagers..I get .." Don't yell at me" syndrome..I stick with it though stating I am not yelling but unless you actually listen you will hear this VOICE more often..so as soon as I even open my mouth now to use it..my kids move very quickly most times..with a :we hear you we hear you!! lol..I think each parent finds their own way but totally agree the counting syndrome wastes soo much time and more stress for something that could be solved immediately..

Laurel Miller
Laurel Miller

Hahaha, the last line is glorious. You SHOULD write a book. I'd read it! Thanks for sharing your awesomeness.

Patti Wendel Howden
Patti Wendel Howden

HA HA you are AWESOME!!! Just keep telling yourself that. It helps make the day go a little better.

Diamond Flow
Diamond Flow

I have always counted to three ... three kids and a ton of grands later, including a Bratzilla and a Devil Child Monster, it rarely fails to work! Why, because whatever threat I use, either time out or a spank, I am ALWAYS prepared to carry out. You are doing great and I love the humor you bring, your children are very lucky to have you!!

Maggie Jenkins
Maggie Jenkins

Love the last line. I usually ask first and if I'm not getting anywhere then I "bring on the heat" I let the little diva know, "okay I asked nicely and now I am telling you go do xyz…" Works every time.

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