My Life

I Should Never Have Cleaned Out The Van

I’m really a bit pissed off. Yes, the guy who usually finds humor in just about any situation, has thrown in the towel on the funny and has jumped head first into a world of misery. Did I mentioned I was pissed? Well, I am.

Sunday, my wife decided it was time to clean out the van, because quite frankly the kids have made it a mess from the constant errands I have to run with them or driving them to and from school. When we first bought the van, that’s not even a year old mind you, my rule was simple: no eating or drinking in the van. Well just like any other rule you try to lay down with your children this lasted about a week, maybe a week and a half until we took our first road trip to the grandparents. I should have known better because as soon as we got into the car to head out, they immediately start asking for food, and well, to keep them from driving me crazy for the next two hours, I popped into the nearest drive-thru and picked them up something to eat; and that’s how it all started.

So after a few months, (I saw weeks but the wife says months)  it was finally time to clean out the van, something that I was dreading. I climbed in and started looking around and the back of the van was littered with skittles, m&ms, french fries and toys and some stuff that I couldn’t even identify. Carrie, my wife, kept giving me this death stare and making comments about how the van was a mess, and how I should keep it cleaner and blah, blah, blah. She was visibly irritated and she immediately took over, jumped into the backseat with a bottle of cleaner and paper towels and went to work, and I quietly exited the vehicle and went to the trunk with the vacuum.

I shouldn’t have been intimated by my wife’s gazing stare and her disapproving parenting comments. I should have stood up to her and been like:

Look woman, I do the best I can! Some days it’s all I can do to drive off of  bridge into shark infested waters, so excuse me if I let the kids have a snack on the way home from school. Want to see me on the news? Want to see me in a straight jacket screaming and quoting old French movies that I’ve never even seen? THEN BACK OFF!

But I didn’t, and in the end, it cost me dearly.

I started vacuuming and cleaning out the trunk, finding things that had no business even being in there such as; bottle rockets, clothespins, jar of mayonnaise, one headless barbie, a pack of melted crayon, 3 dimes, a penny and a chewed up piece of gum. After I had finished up I went around to the side door and peeped inside the dragon’s lair (my wife was still irritated) and I saw a pen stroke on the arm of one of the leather arms of one of the chairs of the second row. Now, the tables were turned and I was the irritated one, because she hadn’t noticed that my two year old daughter had a pen in her hand, and she should have been paying attention especially because my daughter is known to be quite an artist. So after we quickly de-penned her, I glanced into the backseat and my heart sank, and a fury erupted inside me that I hadn’t felt in days as I lay my eyes onto the horror before me:

sky-ink-1

sky-ink-2

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And there you have it. My new mini van that’s not even a year old has been “decorated” (as my 4 year old calls it) with some one-of-a-kind artwork by my beautiful 2 year old daughter, Skylar.

“Having kids is the greatest gift ever bestowed upon us by God” – I heard someone say that once, and if I heard it said again, no matter who had said it; a doctor, a teacher, a preacher, an old lady at the grocery store buying fruit, I swear to Christ I would punch them right in their throat.

The end.

 

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13 comments
Beth Linkous Rodney
Beth Linkous Rodney

My son who is now 11 "decorated" the backseat of the car when he was 2 with a pink highlighter. To this day no idea how a highlighter got in the backseat or how he reached the back of the front seats while strapped in his car seat. Didn't affect the trade in value of the car when we traded it in surprisingly. It probably faded so they didn't notice. His father and I were too busy trying to find where we were going and that is what happened. My 2 year old is lethal with any pencil, pen, crayon etc.

Silvia Bouha
Silvia Bouha

I am feeling with you. ... We have 8 kids and sometimes I think they think my car is a trash bin. ...

Aimée Aston Dodson
Aimée Aston Dodson

Magic erasers are ... magic. They will help with this one. Sorry... been there, done that. It gets better...

Tina Rene'e
Tina Rene'e

I know it may be difficult, try not to sweat the small stuff. I know, I know, something like this is not a small thing at the moment. After raising 4 kids on my own, who are now adults, I will DEFINITELY tell you this: There ARE worse things that can happen. Marks made by pens and markers CAN be washed off. Other things that happen, that you would not wish to happen to any family, let alone, anyone, cannot be so easily removed. Hug them. Make a game about cleaning the marks. Laugh. They grow up too fast and all you want to do is protect them. Even as Adults. Hugs to you and your family.

TC Adela Valdez Unaldilar
TC Adela Valdez Unaldilar

Yup, My living room wall is covered with colored pages she hung herself with tape that she found under the couch..I do not have the heart to remove them, she was so proud of herself

Shanna Greg Green
Shanna Greg Green

Hand sanitizer and a paper towel should get it off. You may have to scrub a bit but it should come off.

Lindsay Ryan
Lindsay Ryan

My 2 year old likes to "decorate" the walls with her poop....yep. I'm sure the ones that said they are a gift from God have never scrubbed fecal matter off their walls.

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