Bi-Polar Rants

Men aren’t real men if they do women’s work. The rant.

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Recently on a Facebook post somewhere recently some mother was trying to get a job for her 14 year old to babysit some kids for his first job and to teach him responsibility;ty and how money and budgeting works. A small peek for a kid heading into adulthood. Personally I wouldn’t let a 14 year old watch my children, but this family lives locally and has many ties in the local community, but to each his own, that’s just my personal preference. I am highly impressed that this kid is so motivated at a young age when he could just be laying around playing video games. So of course like most threads on social media, the trolls started coming out of the woodwork (by the way I hate that phrase, why I use it I have no idea). What surprised me most though was the biggest trolls were grown men degrading a this parent for allowing their child to do a job that should only be done by women. Yes, some men still think this way, and sadly some always will. In fact he went so far as to bash all men who do things like laundry, cooking, cleaning and those of us that are stay at home dads. He was going on about how men of these statuses were not real men and not providing properly for their family. Somewhere along the thread one guy stood up for another, the one with the most ignorant comments by saying it was his belief because he was as he put it, “old school”.

I took offense to everything these guys were saying, not only because I’m a stay at home dad, because I’m more open minded and progressive thinking and not living in a world of ignorant thinking and close-minded views. First off, if these type of people think that they are grandfathered in and because that’s how it was, and still should be, what else do they think is Old School and thus okay to participate in? Segregation? Sexism? Women’s rights? I have to believe that it’s possible that these things get passed along generation to generation and some of these things sadly, will never die out.

So back to these guys on Facebook. Don’t they realize that by males learning “women” things that it makes males more rounded and better all around adults? That a family is based on leaning on each other, supporting one another and growing together? At first I became angry and wanted to lash out at them, but as I calmed down, I felt sadness towards the families living with men with these types of views. Can these types of views one day be eradicated from society? Let’s hope so, but sadly a lot of this will be passed down from fathers to sons causing another division of society to live on.

Sorry for rambling on a bit here, I wanted to get some of this off my chest before I crashed for the night.

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4 comments
sylviawagers
sylviawagers

Unfortunately I was married to just such a man. When he got older and his back pain became so severe, he stopped working. I had to work every hour I could to make up for his lost income. He would have been able to help clean the house. Do a little, then rest for a little but he chose not to. Why? Because "I'm not going to be called a house husband. Cooking and cleaning are women's work." I tried for years to get him to help. We had been together over 30 years so I hated to end our marriage but it was headed in that direction. He wanted to be viewed as "The Man" but honestly, I just lost all respect for him and I don't think his friends even respected him much because of it either. By the time I was ready to tell him I wanted a divorce he had a heart attack and died. Now I live with the guilt of my feelings for him when he died. It all could have been avoided with a few minutes a day just helping out.

CathyCreswell
CathyCreswell

You're entitled to rant. It affects you personally. My brother and sister in law are both successful adults. She's a lawyer turned judge turned politician, and he is an architect. He stayed home during the day to tend to their two daughters. He did his architect work in his office. He was good at it, and takes it very seriously. He worries about every little thing, just like many mothers do traditionally. I have nothing but respect for him and his wife, and their two girls are successful adults now. He doesn't have to prove his manhood to me, I think he's adorable.

sonoyuu
sonoyuu

I feel I am old school, but clearly that means something different than these pathetic excuses for humanity that call themselves "Old School Men".There are two type of men who think there is men's work, and women's work. The first are single because no woman would put up with that garbage, the second are abusive jerks that soon will be single, and neither know what real work is. I also want to know who washed their clothes, did their dishes, and shopped for food when they were single...


I have worked for others and for my own business in Landscaping, Construction, Recycling, Welding, Automotive work, Physical Security, a lot of IT work that often meant 16 hour days, and in more recent times Teaching children. The best, and hardest job I have ever done is be a stay at home dad.


Because it was the original topic that set this off on Facebook, I do want to comment on the baby sitting job. This is one instance where I actually agree it is inappropriate for a teenage boy to do this work. I don't know anything about this boy; not about him, his family, if he has sisters or other kids he baby sits at home, nothing. So maybe I am out of line commenting about this, but I think this needs to be said.


There is no nice way to put this, and it sounds particularly sexist especially in light of the topic of this rant, but 14 year old boys are more interested in sex than just about anything else. If he has time to babysit, he probably doesn't have much of a social life, so we can start by saying he probably has had little or no experience with sex. Sex offenders are predominantly males, so in this instance it is appropriate to be sexist about the topic.


Leaving a socially awkward 14 year old boy in charge of younger children, especially girls (yes I know some boys prefer boys), is a recipie for disaster. It doesn't mean 14 year old boys are pedophiles, it means they are pushed by horomones, curious about sexuality, don't have a lot hands on acess to find out more about it., and you don't want your kids to be how he figures out that tab A goes into slot B. That isn't to say that all 14 year old boys would act inapropriately given the oportunity, but enough would that you shouldn't let the experiment involve your kids.


This is just my opinion, but I feel it is better to be safe than sorry on this one. There are lots of ways to teach a 14 year old boy what it means to be an adult, but leaving him alone with a young girl is probably not the best one.

sonoyuu
sonoyuu

@sylviawagers  I am very sorry to hear how things went downhill for you. I think you should let go of the guilt. You were the tree that sheltered him from the storms, and stood by him way past what would be expected of any normal person.


Different people react to injury different ways. I for one have been run over by a city transit bus, hit by several cars, fell down a cliff face of a mountain and had a 50lb steel plate fall 20 feet and hit me in the head. All of that happened before I got married, had a child, and became a stay at home dad (who also works evenings and weekends). Conversely I have known people in your situation. They are hard working, loving people, who give their all and are never appreciated for their sacrafice.


In caring for him you didn't just go the extra mile, you went the extra 100 miles and you should be proud of your perserverance. You obviously loved him at one time if you were married for 30 years. You stayed the course and he did not. You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. If anything, consider him to have been a product of the time he grew up in. As can be said at all times, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times".


A real "man" is not afraid of work, even if that work is changing diapers and doing the dishes. What I think we should all take away from this is that everyone should do a share of the work in life regardless of gender. Providing for your family does not always mean a pay cheque. I love reading Daddy Fishkins because he is a real man who loves his family, and does what is necessary to provide for them. My wife points out all the time that she wishes she could pay me for the work I do at home (apparently being a stay at home parent is the equivalent of a 6 figure job). I think our child would prefer me, over my bringing in a 6 figure income. Food for thought for the "men" out there.

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