My Life

What Fathers Really Want For Father’s Day

Alright in lieu of Father’s Day coming up this weekend, I thought I would go ahead and open up the secret ‘man vault’ and just go ahead and tell every woman what every man really wants for Father’s Day. It’s not an expensive gift and it’s never sold out in stores. It is however the most thoughtful gift you could ever get him, and will provide a lifetime of special memories. A gift that is worth more than your mother’s weight in gold and one that he will remember as the best gift he ever received.

What is this incredible gift?

cup-of

A large cup of shut the f*** up!

 

That’s it ladies. We want a day free of nagging, chatting, telling of extremely long stories that could have been summarized in two minutes, screaming kids, chores, errands, having to be awake, having to give up the remote control to the TV to whiny kids, trips down memory lane, any and ALL questions, in fact, make that any and ALL communication, peeing inside,eating inside with the family, shaving, blinking and any and everything else that consists of doing anything involving using energy and burning calories.

 

If your man likes beer, I personally don’t drink beer, get him a case and have it on ice in a cooler next to his favorite chair. Keep in mind. you have to do this without talking.

To help you ladies with proper Father’s Day etiquette,  I’m going to show you all the schedule I have posted on the fridge in my house for Father’s Day.  You can print this if you like, or make your own, but this will help make the day go much smoother.

 

The Daddy Fishkin’s Father’s Day Schedule:

NOON: Wake up

12:00 – 1:00 P.M: Shower, coffee and redbull

1:00 P.M: Sit down in my favorite chair out by the garage

1:01 P.M: Turn on the radio

1:30 P.M: Pee behind the bushes

1:31 – 2:00 P.M: Have lunch (box of chocolate chip cookies and a redbull)

2:00 P.M: Organize tackle box and practice casting across the front yard

2:30 P.M: Pee behind the bushes

2:31 P.M: Take a stroll through the yard

2:45: Light yard waste burn pile on fire

2:50: Kill red ants

3:00 – 5:30 P.M: Nap

5:31 P.M: Pee behind fig tree (mixing it up a bit)

6:00 P.M: Eat Dinner outside by myself (hot wings and apple pie)

6:30 – 9:00 P.M: Play with some tools in the garage. Randomly cut wood and screw it together for no reason.

9:00 – Midnight: Watch whatever I want on T.V for a change

* Remember – to execute this perfectly there has to be complete silence from you.

 

And that in a nut shell is what I call the perfect Father’s Day. Now feel free to tweak this to fit your Baby Daddy’s personality, wants and needs, but if you do this, you will have one happy and refreshed man to wake up to the next morning.

However, if none of this will work for your individual situation, you can always buy him a nice grill or smoker.

You are welcome.

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30 comments
Sarah NuSser
Sarah NuSser

When I get this for Mother's Day I will serve it on a silver platter for Father's Day!

R. Wylie Garfield
R. Wylie Garfield

Btw "in lieu" means "instead of". Did you mean "in light of"? Maybe ppl should be worrying more about spelling and correct word usage than someone's attempt at humor. Successful or not...

Julie Thomas
Julie Thomas

Love this dude! Power to ya! I did the same thing on Mother's Day! Mines pee behind the bushes!

Kelly Marini
Kelly Marini

Wow what a bunch of stiffs around here! Geez I thought it was funny :)

Pamela Jones McColl
Pamela Jones McColl

There is something to be said for some good alone time! No TV, no kid shows, no cooking, just chilling doing whatever you want.

Jennifer Lohmann
Jennifer Lohmann

I'm a woman and pissed that you didn't post this in May! (Minus the peeing in the bushes stuff!).

Jennifer Lohmann
Jennifer Lohmann

To all the haters: move on if you don't like something... Who has that much time to ridicule someone's post on their own page?!?!? Get a life

Brandon Devine
Brandon Devine

Perfect! Lol. And to the people getting offended by what is obviously meant to be funny; get a hobby, or a job, or something. This man takes care of kids 24/7 and deserves his day off. Tag a bush for me my friend!

Paulene Weber
Paulene Weber

Man, you have some serious trolls dogging here! My hubby will be happy as a clam because the kids and I will be out of town attending a wedding until Sunday night. He gets alone time, sleeping in and I can cook him dinner when we get home!

Stearling J Davis
Stearling J Davis

Ah, since I am mom and dad some days who's getting my beer? I want a cheesecake instead of apple pie!

Allexia Brinson
Allexia Brinson

I love it! I don't know how well it is gonna work for my man! I do intend to try. Although he will be happy if I just shut the f**** up and let him play video games and his guitar all day! So I'm gonna give it a go! Idk if I can make it thru the whole day with my lips shut but we shall see

Debi Adam
Debi Adam

Hilarious. We are taking daddy camping...because - the s'mores :)

Matthew Stiefel
Matthew Stiefel

I like #9 NO HGTV or Nickelodeon for a day would be nice

Synnøve Robinson
Synnøve Robinson

Sounds like a good day to me! Now to find some random 2x4s...

Amy Hardaway
Amy Hardaway

Seriously people. Lighten up! What parent doesn't want a little alone time?!

Olivia Braden
Olivia Braden

I let him pee out side anyways! My man would rather stay on the couch, ac blasting watching cops all day! With beer & bacon!

Jessica Utter
Jessica Utter

This sounds amazing and is super funny. Next year if hubs gives me a day off from everything thing you bet he will get one... but since mothers day was one of the most stressful days I've had this year and the day after father's day is the day I'm scheduled for a c-section and we have much to do still our days off will have to wait until next year.

Amber Yount Benge
Amber Yount Benge

Got to say, I asked my husband if that's what he wanted and he perked up like a kid at christmas. Silence shall be his come Sunday. :) Got to admit, that would have made a pretty awesome mother's day as well.

Sam Cook
Sam Cook

I don't know if this is suppose to be a joke or anything, but it sounds a bit immature and I honestly don't know one man that would have his wife or girlfriend "shut the fuck up" on Father's Day due to it being, y'know, disrespectful to the woman who brought his children into the world. I kind of expected a little bit better than this from you.

Michael Stone
Michael Stone

Noticing immediately that you can't even spell "in lieu" correctly, I expected nothing beyond an uneducated and asinine article - total crap as you may put it, and that's what I read here. Maybe it's you, "Daddy Fishkins" that needs to "STFU". This article is far from amusing. If your relationships at home are THAT bad, improve yourself!

Jenny Luff
Jenny Luff

Funny, I came up with a similar set of rules for Mother's Day, being the sahm I needed a break...... Did I get it, did I f£@k!!!!! Good luck, let us know if it works. Xx

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