Mail Bag

Listen here Mrs. Fishkins. I call you Mrs. because you whine and carry on like a woman. You clean house? Stay at home with your kids? Just put on a dress Mary and call it a day. You or ANY man who does women’s jobs are not real men and are a disgrace to use real men who go out and work everyday and provide for our families while you girly men stay at home and play nice.

get a job and stop being a woman.

I really have no response to this ignorance. It’s a shame that men still think this way in this day an age.

Mail Bag

This comment was left on my My Apology To Stay At Home Moms article that went super viral earlier this year. (read that here)

Comment By: Brenda Marie (find her on Facebook here)

This guy is too much, and I doubt this is even real anyway. Caving to your children every time they throw a fit makes parenting harder, not easier. He’s taking the lazy easy way out in order to shut her up, instead of teaching her positive life skills about the value of waiting and learning how to mine through the emotions of not getting your way. They’re muscles that need to be developed.

The majority of what he’s feeding them during the day is junk food, which is his choice. But, to blatantly exaggerate about the mess in the kitchen is obnoxious. How many dishes do you need to get dirty to prepare chicken nuggets for very young children? A cookie sheet and a couple of plates? Maybe a small pan and cutting board for vegetables (if the kids are lucky enough to get something nutritious)? Cereal bowls from breakfast? Whatever, man.

Then the son destroys the kitchen after school? Seriously?

Give me a break. This is self-indulgence at its most irritating. His attempt at humor isn’t even mildly funny (terrorists, stepping on sharp toys). It’s all been recycled over and over.

 

My response:

Hey Brenda I’m real and I’m right here. I especially liked the comment you made about how many dishes I should use while preparing junk food for my kids, it really made me laugh and tonight I really needed it, so thanks.

The rest of your gibberish, is well, just gibberish.

Oh and by the way, thanks for the support!

Sincerely,
Your Daddy

I was featured over at the Sanfransico Globe yesterday and I was browsing the comments section and came across this gem. You can view the post and read the rest of the comments here. Also, I choose not to respond, because I’ve defended myself before and repeating myself gets very tiring.

From: Angel DeSantos

Seriously? Your kids are spoiled rotten brats and that is ALL your fault. Your day is like this because you have raised your chidden this way. Pancakes in bed at 3 years old while she “watches her shows”??? You ALLOW your children to get their way by screaming and crying and guess what, they will continue to scream and cry! Why? Because they get their way! You ALLOW your child to sit on your head and eat chicken… I am sure that your 18-month-old isn’t holding a gun to that same head while sitting on it eating chicken. It is very simple, well it may not be not because you have trained them to be waited on hand and foot, but if you had parented them it would be very simple to set rules into place. What time are you letting your children go to bed that if they get up at 7:30 they are exhausted drama queens?? 7:30 AM is plenty of time to sleep if they go to bed at a reasonable hour of 8:30 or 9:00… that 10.5 hours of sleep in addition to the two naps you allow them per day, you’re children should the most well rested children on the planet. Your day should with them should begin at 7:30 or 8:00 when we all get out of bed and MAKE the bed, get DRESSED, brush our teeth and eat breakfast at the kitchen table. From 8:30 – 8:40 we should be doing the breakfast dishes together. From 8:40 to 10:30 can be time for TV, if you want your children to watch that much television, otherwise this should be time that they spend playing, with a few toys at a time, that they put away before they get out another. While they are playing (or mindlessly sitting there watching a talking yellow sponge) YOU can multi task and start some laundry while you check your email for work… it’s not like we stand over kettles of boiling water with steel washing boards any more, there is a machine that does it for you… during this time you can also slip into your bed room, take your shower and make your own bed since I am assuming that you or your wife didn’t make it when you got up at 6:00… about 10:30ish your children should be hungry again, at that age they should be eating about every 2 hours… so make a small snack, again do it together, involve them instead of waiting on them like the chef/owner of “Cafe Daddy”… at 10:45 we finish up the snack, clean up the kitchen from snack making and move on to part 2 of the day… of course there will be diaper changes involved during this time etc. From 11:00 to 1:00 play time con ensue, again a few toys at a time putting them away before you bring out another. As they are playing you can get some additional items done for work as you stated you do during this time. At 1:00 Lunch time, at the table, again something they helped you to make (this teaches them cooking skills as well, you really can turn almost any “chore” into a learning experience that involves the children and gets them to use their mind and take ownership, they can be proud of eating what they cooked themselves for lunch, and they can tell mom all about it when she gets home!) from 1:30 – 2:30 NAP TIME this ensures that they are freshly rested just before the addition of their brother comes into the mix and their tempers and anxiety are in check. 2:30 head to the park/bus stop to pick up your son. 3:15 home and all three of them are helping to make/eat and clean up after the after school snack. 3:45 to 5:00 Your son is at the kitchen table finishing his home work, you and the girls are playing the clean up game (yes! you can make a game out of it! Play house one day where the three of you are planning on throwing a dinner party for a very special guest , The Queen [who will be home from work at 6:00] so you have to clean up the house and prepare the feast for her arrival) Now, this plan for the day goes off some assumptions… you will obviously have to clean the house from top to bottom to start off. Once this is done it is far easier to maintain… so start by cleaning the house and organizing everything, go forward from there by implementing a schedule and routine into your child’s lives (they will thank you later when they have excellent time management skills and they excel at school and work because they are punctual and organized) Getting up and getting dressed focuses them for the day, allowing them to lounge around in their PJs keeps them in the lazy “I’m still in my PJ’s” mode… I have 3 children myself and I am the stay at home mom. My house is clean and organized because I implement a few easy to follow rules like the one toy at a time rule, the we all eat we all clean rule, the no dishes in the sink rule, My children know that kicking and screaming gets them absolutely nothing and even when they are in the cranky over tired diva mode, I will walk away from them and into another room if they throw a tantrum. Once they realized that a tantrum was never EVER rewarded with attention, much less what they were throwing the tantrum for, they stopped throwing them. No my life and children are not perfect, but neither do they run my home or my life. I am the adult, I make the rules. I involve my children in the running of the household because they are part of the household. They respect me, they respect their belongings by keeping their toys put away and in good condition, they respect themselves by keeping themselves clean and presentable in public with hands and faces watched, fully dressed for the day, every day. If they get messy while eating they change their clothes. It will take a lot of work on your part to change the behavior of what you have allowed your children to become into the behavior of two young ladies which you would like them to become. It will take discipline to slow them to throw their fits over and over while you walk away and not reward this behavior with attention or what they are crying for. You were able to let them “cry it out” as babies learning to sleep in their own bed at nights, you will have to do the same thing now. even when they are are shreiking at the top of their little lungs. You are the adult you have the control you can turn the “monsters” you have created into tiny human beings with manners, respect for others, respect for themselves…

Dear Daddyfishkins,

First off let me say how awesome it is to see a man so proud to be a father. You see, I was a guy who “knocked up” a girl in highschool. (That line right there is enough to make some people cringe). Then I continue…that girl I “knocked up” is now my lovely wife. I am a 21 year old with a wife and 2 kids. I had my first kid when I was 18 and got the news weeks before graduation. I reacted the same way every other guy would; “ah crap, what do I do now?” And you want to know what I did? I manned up, accepted that I am no longer living for myself but for the family I had started. Many would say I missed out on all the partying and alcohol, but the truth is, when you have kids, you party everyday (or at least you feel like you already have partied and now want to sleep). My kids are my life and I didnt miss out on anything.
I guess what im trying to get at is my wife is a stay at home mom and does so much for nothing in return. She doesnt get a paycheck or a bonus. I am thankful for what she does for our family everyday and sometimes I dont express it enough.
Same goes for you buddy. Being a stay at home dad must be tough because I see how it drains my wife everyday, but you guys keep on going. I commend and salute you sir.

P.S. Carlos can go jump off a cliff

 

My Response:

Brandon,

Your wife gets more than either of you can imagine by her being a stay at home mom and getting to spend some much time bonding with your kids, she gets much more than the average parent does, so please don’t say she gets nothing in return, because she does and she’s very blessed.

Thanks for reaching out, I wish the best for the 4 of you, and it’s awesome that you stepped up and became a man when alot of boys would have run off and abandoned their responsibilities.

Mike

 

If you have something to say to me good or bad, I respond to all emails.

The email:

Dear Mr. Fishkins,

Your name sucks and you are not famous. yu are just some dude, get over yourself.

Carlos

My Response:

Carlos,

You are right. I’m just a dad who writes this blog to help keep my sanity day in and day out while being trapped inside with children who climb on me all day like a jungle gym. Also I don’t ever think I’ve said anything about being famous, I’ve had some success but it’s nothing to get a big head about. I appreciate everyone who reads this site and if I could I’d thank them personally.

Thanks for caring enough to drop me a line.

Daddy Fishkins

 

If you have something to say to me good or bad, I respond to all emails.

Mail Bag

angela-trolls

Angela apparently got upset by some of my parenting fail pictures I’ve posted and apparently is too immature to just ‘unlike’ my page and go about her life. Instead she still trolls my page, degrades me and the people who visit the site, then insists she won’t see any of my future pictures because she’s not a fan of the page, even though she recently visited my page and SHARED the latest picture I posted on her timeline. Confused? Yep, Me too.

The sad fact is, I have no idea who she is or what she supposedly posted that I supposedly deleted. Hey, I’m a nice guy. I’m still not sure why people go out of their way to attack me, but when they do I like to make it as fun as possible. I could degrade Angela and drag this out into a huge response to her, but she isn’t worth the extra energy, and that just isn’t my style.

The comment left on THE BABY FLOAT Parenting Fail Picture that I recently posted:

I think the actual fail that could be taken from this is that it’s just a photo.
There is no story behind it.
You have NO idea if there was a mom or dad, tending to a fussy baby, or baby was playing on the float, while being pushed along by their parent until they just fell asleep. You dont know what happened before OR after this picture was snapped.

I actually wonder how many photos we each have that could be judged as a PARENTING FAIL because the only context they are in is a position in our FB timeline.

If there is a story that goes along with the photo, Im game to read it. If it’s poor parenting, then by all means, call it that. If theres no story or the story isn’t what is being portrayed here, then what a craptastic thing to do by posting it here like this to be passed around the internet.

I really really think it’s a pretty irresponsible thing to judge other peoples parenting based on a simple photo. There are people – families – behind pics like this.

It COULD be considered a pretty substantial parenting fail to raise a child in an atmosphere of judgment rather than being smart enough to ask questions and finding out the story before deciding someone is a failure at anything. So, I guess it could be safe for me to say you’re a pretty crappy parent based on all the parenting fails that come across my newsfeed from Daddy Fishkins. Fortunately, I am smart enough to not separate this ONE moment in time from everything else I get from DF’s page.

I like Daddy Fishkins. The Parenting Fail portion of the page makes me super uncomfortable and sort of sad. I realize I “Dont have to follow the page”, but hopefully everyone else remembers I am also “Allowed to express my opinion” when they decide if they want to reply to this comment. Parenting is a pretty big job. It can be pretty hard. Other parents, that know these two facts, should probably be more responsible with how they go about passing judgment on other parents with little to no details.

 

My response:

I can appreciate your thoughts on this, as I too try to raise my children the best I can in the world of non judgement, however there are cases when such stupidity needs to be judged; this parenting fail picture is a prime example. Why? Because parents like this are ignorant and put their children at risk just to take what they might think is a funny picture of their child.

This picture is a prime example. This baby could very easily roll off the float and into the pool, and if the parent is even a second late retrieving their child, it could quickly drown. Babys drown in pools all the time and things like this just add to that danger, and it’s very, very selfish and ignorant. My 3 year old recently fell off her float in our pool and was only under the water a few seconds but when I got her out she was already coughing up water – a few more seconds and she could have easily drown.

So I ask you, is this child drowning really worth a picture? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Daddy Fishkins

 

From: Yvette Marie Gaudreau

I’ve been meaning to unlike you. just so you know why it has to do w/ your apology letter to sahm’s. I found you to be lazy and an embarrassment as to what a father figure should be. that timeline of your day was disgusting and the only sahm’s that appreciated it were the lazy ones who also do not raise their children but enjoy staying home doing nothing while the children raise themselves. so many parenting failures in that blog. If I were working and my husband told me that was his day I would leave him. how incompetent does one have to be. the hardest part about raising children is undoing the influence of other ppl. I was a sahm and a working mom. my home was always clean, my children well mannered and polite. I don’t think they knew what a temper tantrum was but then I’m not prone to them and I did my job the way it was supposed to be done. not trying to offend but really you need to get it together. you do not cave into temper tantrums. consistency is the key is w/ children. they follow your lead. you are clean, they will be clean. you do right, they will do right. I have unliked this page already so no need for all the outraged sahm’s who so loved that apology letter to come to your defense. I won’t be reading the comments. take care. hoping for the best for you

 

Dearest Yvette,

May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face.

 

The Email:

Daddy Fishkins,

wow you think you are something because you are a SAHD? You are a disgrace and not a man. A man works and supports his family not site at home letting your kids do whatever they want without discipline. You are basically a woman, a whiny woman who hardly does anything all day. No I don’t think stay at home moms have it so hard either. they get to sit home all day, watch TV, and then make excuses when the breadwinners come home from a REAL job! get a grip, get a life and go out and get a job like real men do!

Sincerely,
A REAL hard working man

 

My Response:

Dear uneducated working man who hates women,

You should be ashamed to call yourself a man. Real men respect women, nit degraded them as you so easily have done. I’d be extremely ashamed if I was your mother and only hope she never experiences your hatred ways. It also is very ignorant of you or anyone else that thinks that men can’t be stay-at-home parents. Regardless of your misguided beliefs being a stay-at-home parents is one of the hardest jobs that one could ever have, and it is also one of the most rewarding. You didn’t say, but I hope that you don’t have children so that you can’t spread the seed of your hate filled views and ways.

Regards,
A REAL hard working man

I was reading back through some of the comments that I received on My Apology To Stay At Home Mom post, and one of them really struck a nerve. A guy named Matt decided to tell me how to be a parent, but get this – he doesn’t even have kids! Read his drivel below.

From: Matt

I started out reading this approving of the idea of explaining to people to troubles and tirings of a stay at home parent. I still do….however, from my own bringing up and understand of my parents sometimes crazy rules…

Why is your 3 yr old eating breakfast in bed and watching tv…i don;t view that an a good technique or process to teach them, and sorry just because its what she likes, doesn’t mean she should get it. The current generation is overly full of self importance and the belief the world should work for them. They should not get used to having what they want, when they want, how they want. When it comes to meals the when becomes important either way. Almost everyone younger than me (and some of my gen – i ‘m 27) is entirely directed by selfish instant gratification. Even playing games (video) is a stupid concept these days, everyone gets the game and wants their rewards for completing it right away. This causes cheating and bad play. This behaviour will spill out of that world and into the real world.

The other thing I got to before I honestly stopped reading (not having kids) was that if they getup at 7:30 they are in a bad mood because they got up early? As a child i was never in a bad mood early (ok i realise now we may be talking younger than i can claim that) but i always got up at 7:30am or earlier. I was always fully rested as i was given a bedtime that ensured that i was rested no matter what because that was the most important thing to my growth and learning. I don;t see the problem with the occasional treat late night to watch a favoured programme, as keeping your child happy is important. That was something i was very very rarely allowed and my childhood did have too many restrictions on and i wasn;t that happy, but I know why things were done and whilst they may have messed me up in some ways. The key points i was making taught me lots and some of them I talked to my mum about to understand them.

Just remember your not there to be a friend, you are there to be a parent (friendship hopefully develops obviously and later on in life it definately needs to start exisiting to continue to have a relationship).

everyone hates at least one of their parents to some degree when they are younger. Its a natural power struggle, and as a grown up you shouldnt lose

 

 

So after reading that – what do you think? Comment below.

 

Author : Megan

Comment:

I would be embarrassed to admit these things , and you act as though you should be commended!? You admit that on GOOD DAY you often go back to bed and sleep until 9:30, after which you put your babies in front of tv all day with chicken nuggets for breakfast, and they are still in their pajamas at 2:30? You are claiming that you now know how hard stay-at-home moms have it? I have three children that I homeschool, while also working as a birth Doula, and attending school for midwifery, and I wouldn’t admit to this negligence unless I had the flu or some other debillitating illness. Your wife might want to rethink who stays at home with the children. Good grief.

My response:

Megan,

I’m not entirely sure where I ever said that I should be commended. I was just pointing out the challenges that come along with being a stay-at-home parent. By your “proven” accolades you are by far the more superior parent because you are able to balance your day much better than I can.  Do you have any tips? Maybe you should write a book on how it feels to be the world’s greatest parent and not only how judgmental you are, but also very ignorant to make statements about how someone else raises their children.

Also you seem to be offended that I state I know how hard it is to be a stay-at-home parent because you juggle more than I do? And how am I negligent exactly? My kids are awesome, beautiful, intelligent, loved and cherished like no one else on this planet. You can check out my interview here and see how awesome my kids are.

My wife would also disagree with you, as well as hundreds of thousands of others. She supports me and the way I raise my children 100%. It just sounds like you are a bitter woman, who is quick to judge because you are pretty close minded about anything other than the delusional thoughts in your head.

Sincerely,

Daddy Fishkins