Author

Mike, AKA Daddy Fishkins, is the original bipolar stay at home rockstar dad who is lucky enough to have the 3 most wonderful kids and the most beautiful wife to ever walk planet earth.

Bi-Polar Rants

chris

I’ve been waiting to see American Sniper, and hopefully soon I will be able to go out and see it in the theaters. I think Clint Eastwood is an amazing director, and the story of Chris Kyle is an amazing one. While I believe that Chris may have exaggerated and embellished his story just a bit, it doesn’t take away what he ultimately did and sacrificed for his country. So it sickens be when people such as Michael Moore, who in my opinion is a disgrace to this country as the gall to say that snipers, in reference to Chris Kyle are cowards, when in fact Moore himself is the coward. I would love to see him tell a sniper to his face that that soldier was a coward, it might be the last time we ever hear someone so ignorant say something so stupid ever again.

I don’t believe in a lot of the politics that’s go along with war – a lot of it seems like needless killing of our young men, brothers, fathers and sons – but my feelings aside, I fully back and support those of them that are at war doing what they believe is right to protect our country and the freedoms that many of us take for granted. They have more courage than I ever will, and I have more respect for them that they could possibly know. So when someone like Michael Moore opens his mouth to disrespect these heroes, I get offended. Michael Moore is nothing but a big bully who hides behind his money, camera and microphone, and when someone finally steps up to him, he will cower in the corner and hide like the true coward that he really is.

So regardless of Michael Moore’s opinion or anyone elses for that matter, on the wars and the politics involved, calling these men cowards or disrespecting them for doing what they believe is right in protecting our country, doesn’t seem right, now does it?

Open your eyes people, there is much more going on in this world than your selfishness.

My Life

After the last few days of finding various items in my shoe, I decided to crank out a top 10 of things that I have found in my shoe over the course of raising my 3 children. Some may sound familiar to you and some may not – either way let’s take a dive into my world for a few minutes, shall we?

shoes

10. Princess chairs from a Princess castle. Yeah this one is pretty normal in terms of what you might find in a shoe from a child. I’m sure based on gender it’s pretty much the same, whatever small item they play with at some point end up in your shoe. in my case though I was in a hurry throwing on my shoes without socks to pick up my son from the bus stop when my toys were met with a very sharp princess chair, that shortly after took a short flight across my front yard.

9. Sand. Now, I’m not entirely sure where the sand came from. We have a sand box that’s at the very back of our one acre yard, but we hadn’t been on the playground in a week or so, and I know the kids hadn’t been back there, but that’s the only place you can get sand around here. And it’s not like there was a trail of sand or anything, there was just my shoe, filled with sand. I still haven’t figured this one out.

8. Water Balloon. We had many pool parties over the summer and water balloons always made an appearance and somehow one of them got crammed into the bottom of one of my Chuck Taylors. Did I mention it broke when I tried putting my shoe on? Yeah.

7. Cat food and my shoe half way filled with water. My daughter didn’t quite understand how feeding the cat worked. She’s better now, but wet cat food in my shoe was pretty nasty to clean out. It had the same consistency as baby puke.

6. A chewed up Hot Dog. 

5. A Sponge Bob Square Pants pez dispenser.

4. A Barbie doll head. A neighborhood boy was reportedly responsible.

3. A squished up banana. This recently happened and it was just like half of a banana and I didn’t see it or know about it until I felt this moisture, a very wet and squishy substance slowly make love to my toes.

2. A live frog. I’m not sure who did this, but for a time my son had pet frogs in an aquarium in his room and after a party where many kids were present I found the frog. Luckily however, I found him, or her before I put on my shoe.

1. A Dead Goldfish.  I have no explanation. We don’t have goldfish.

 

If someone had told me things like this would happen before I had kids I might have reconsidered – but alas for me it’s too late. So I have created a GO FUND ME campaign that could help me and others like me. So please check that out here.

My Life

6:00 A.M – Time to wake up.

waking_up_hungover_on_a_work_day-14393

Usually when I wake up, I’m squished to the very edge of my King sized bed with baby feet in my face. If I’m lucky I’ve had 5 hours of sleep, but usually, no. Usually I’ve been awaken by our 2 year old she-devil as she cries, screams, giggles, punches and kicks me in the face. If none of these things have happened before 3 A.M, I’m pulling out my wife’s cosmetic mirror and checking to see if she’s breathing, because it’s not normal.

6:30 A.M – Time to shower.

ace-ventura-shower-o

If I’m lucky I’ll get some hot water, but not always. It depends on if my son beats me to the shower or not. He likes to stand in scolding hot water to wake himself up in the mornings, and it takes an act of Congress to get him out. I’m not exaggerating here when I say he likes the water so hot that when he gets out of the shower he is bright red. He gets to look cool and look like a Lobster, and I get to take an ice cold shower to start my day. He wins again.

*Sometimes I like to grill steaks while I shower. How else could I explain the fire in the gif?

 

7:15 A.M – I drive the kids to school

drivekids

When I drive the kids to school I never quite know how it’s going to turn out. Sometimes it’s quiet and I can drink my coffee while day dreaming about how lucky I’d be if an alien space ship would come down and abduct me, and take me to a new planet without kids. But a lot of times it turns out to be my kids arguing  and fighting about absolutely nothing.

Dad, Sydney is singing.

No, I’m not!

Yes you are Syd I just heard you, you were singing that Frozen song!

NO…I’M…NOT!

I have to get involved at this point.

Baby, try not to sing, okay? Jack’s tired in the mornings and he just wants it quiet on the way to school, okay baby?

She smiles and gives me a thumbs up.

3 seconds later I hear her singing, but she IS singing lower and I know she’s singing just loud enough so that her brother can hear her, and where she thinks that I can’t.

DAD! SYDNEY IS STILL SINGING!

NO I’M NOT JACK! YOU’RE LYING!

I chuckle. This drive just became very interesting.

 

NOON – I make lunch for my 2 year old

lunch

My 2 year old can eat. She will virtually eat anything not bolted to the floor.  She eats like a Great White shark in a kiddie swimming pool. She is the sole reason why I have to hide while I eat, if she even thinks I’m eating, she will come running towards me waving her hands wildly, moaning and foaming at the mouth. Yesterday sadly, I ate a tuna fish sandwich in the bathroom.

*Disclaimer: Okay, so my daughter isn’t black, but I’m an equal opportunity blogger.

 

2:30 P.M – I head to car pool lane to pick up my 4 year old from Pre-K.

michael-bolton-gangsta-o

Even though I still have my 2 year old with me, I consider this my “free time” and before she picks up on bad words in my music, I listen to gangsta rap on the way to car pool. I figure I’ve listened to enough pop and Frozen songs (okay so I really don’t mind listening to Taylor Swift), that rapping along to rap songs kinda balances out the spectrum a bit. Sadly, I think this is coming to an end though because all of a sudden my 2 year old decided that she can talk, and the other day she dropped a “hey shawty, clap those ass cheeks” to my wife. Yeah.  Doghouse central.

2: 50 P.M – My son gets home from school and I start my part time job as a referee

reverse-1237227377_whats_the_referee_doing

The kids like to fight. About anything.

Dad she got a bigger piece of watermelon than I did!

I didn’t get to put ketchup on my pancakes!

Why did she get to fall down and scrap her knee and I didn’t?

She had more water in her bath than I did.

She’s in my room.

She’s touching my important stuff.

She’s chewing with her mouth open.

He looked at me.

And so on and so on, until my head hurts so bad I can’t think straight and I just want to put a gun in my mouth.

5:00 P.M – I start dinner

dinner

By the time I start dinner I’m in that “leave me the F*ck alone” stage just counting the minutes until my wife gets home from work and just praying to god that she doesn’t have to work late or gets stuck in traffic. Sometimes I ace coking dinner and it turns out really good, and other times it ends up in a disaster or I just pop in a frozen pizza in the oven or pour bowls of cereal.

5:15 P.M – My wife gets home from work

freeeeeee

Half of the time my wife gets home from work I’m waiting for her and before she even gets to the front door, I’m on the front porch greeting her with me screaming; “I’M OFF DUTY!” Maybe that’s a bit selfish since at this point I have no idea how her day went, but when I’m at my breaking point, I feel is very necessary to escape as fast as I possibly can before the dream killers see me and drag me back into the cold, dark, damp prison that they keep me chained up inside of.

So in a nut shell, this is a rough outline of the ‘hot spots’ of my day. Pretty glamorous eh? Speaking of, it’s almost lunch time, but I may get lucky, she ate a late breakfast of pancakes and ketchup, so I may get out of preparing lunch today.

ketchup

Welcome to my life, the life of a Stay At Home Dad. Now please kill me; I need a vacation.

My Life

stop-bullying

 

Recently on Facebook someone post this picture and I took offense:

bullying

This lead to a debate of sorts, with me mostly getting angry and going off on the person, but it hit close to home, and besides with all the good bullying campaigns do and the statistics of how many children commit suicide or do other violent things because of bullying, I thought it was pretty ignorant.

This was one of his best arguments:

bullying-comment

After a few more insults I threw at him, yes, I let him get under my skin and I shouldn’t have; he responded with this gem:

bullying-comment-2

I’m assuming because I’m a Stay At Home Dad, he thinks I’m weak as is my position on the issue at hand – just more of his ignorance shining through.

When I was in elementary school I was severely bullied, to the point when I fantasized about the violent things I wanted to do to them. I had one teacher who allowed this to go on even. It made going to school dreadful. Standing up for myself really wasn’t an option, even though I was too scared to do so because I was always bullied in groups, never one on one. I’m not sure why I was bullied, but I was, and all through middle school I was miserable. Going to the principal, teachers or my parents just wasn’t an option, in fact there was no awareness so teachers turned a blind eye, and most parents dealt with bullying the same way, they either minimized it, or gave the all important “stand up for yourself” speech. I do agree one should stand up to his or her bullies, let them know right off that you won’t tolerate it – but some kids are just too scared, feel like they have no chance of succeeding and knowing the backlash would be even greater than the actual bullying or simply can’t because the bullying comes from a group. Now as a grown man I know that they bullied in groups because they were cowards, but at the time I was scared to death.

I remember one time at a school dance, I was maybe 10, a kid came running through the crowd and sucker punched me right in the stomach and I crumbled like a ton of bricks. Another time at a lunch table someone spit on my arm. Paper was thrown at my head in class, I was pushed around in the hall wall, and this went on and on for years. Many kids go through these kinds of things and it’s not right or fair for them to be subjected to these types of abuse.

If these campaigns were around when I was a kid maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad. I’m not naive, I know bullying will never fully go away, however with these types of campaigns in place it bring more awareness to the issue and starts creating a better culture when it comes to bullying. Maybe more teachers will pay attention, maybe other kids will start sticking up for those who are being bullied, maybe kids who are being bullied won’t feel as though they have nowhere to turn any longer? If these campaigns help just 1 kid, isn’t it worth it in the long run? I was bullied most of my childhood and I’m not sure how much the anti-bullying campaign would have helped, but I would have felt better knowing they were in place, and thankfully many kids today can breathe a bit easier knowing that they have this type of support.

#StopBullying #BulliesSuck #NoMoreBullying

 

My Life

hanging

I think all parts have been there. We are busy doing important things like eating a snack in peace hidden away in some dark corner of the house, or taking that 30 second shower in between cries of “I’m hungry” and other random gibberish, when we hear in the distance, a faint scream for help coming from one of our children. Now when this happens to me the panic that I feel as a parent is quickly washed away when I walk into the room where the screaming is coming from only to see something as awesome as what’s taking place in the picture above. Usually I leave them in whatever awkward position that they’ve managed to get themselves into, but hey that’s what parenting is all about right? Watching our children grow? Well they might have a few bumps and bruises, but I definitely watch them.

My Life

 

remote-1

I’d like to choke them – but I can’t. Society as a whole frowns upon it nowadays. and I really don’t need the fall back from having a criminal record from choking my kids out. Bank robbery yes, choking kids no.  I get so frustrated that I can’t see straight half the time and it’s over something so silly that it’s hard not to bust out in a frantic Edgar Allan Poe laugh wearing nothing women’s panties and singing ‘u can’t touch this’ by M.C Hammer. And what might you ask leads me to such great madness?

THE KIDS TAKING THE BATTERIES OUT OF REMOTES ONLY TO PUT THEM INTO OTHER REMOTES BECAUSE THE BATTERIES IN SAID REMOTE STOPPED WORKING INSTEAD OF JUST REPLACING THE BATTERIES WITH THE NEW BATTERIES WE HAVE AND THEN LEAVING THE GODDAMN BACKS OFF OF THE REMOTES SO THAT WHEN I GET A CHANCE TO ACTUALLY USE A REMOTE THAT HAS BATTERIES, THEY FALL OUT ONTO THE FLOOR!

remote-2

I mean seriously kids, why? generally it’s my son grabbing the batteries from one of the TV remotes because he needs batteries for his Nintendo WII remote, but it really gets under my skin that he doesn’t at the very least ask if we have batteries. He’s even come into the living room as I’m watching TV trying to remove the batteries WHILE I”M WATCHING TV like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He actually looks shocked when I try and explain to him that it’s not acceptable practice.

“Really Dad?”

“Really son.”

My 4 year old daughter of course is watching and learning all of her big brother’s tricks, so it won’t be long before she’s trying to swindle and con me into getting my batteries, and guess who is watching and learning from her? My 2 year old. The. Cycle. never. Ends.

And just to throw salt in the wound, they refuse to put the backs back over the batteries, for whatever reason I don’t know, however my son recently informed me that it didn’t matter if the backs were on the remotes or not, so whenever I try and use the remotes I have to hold the batteries in place, use tape or risk losing them and watch them roll underneath the couch.

So check the papers, watch the news and do google searchs constantly for the term “dad chokes his kids for removing the batteries from the remote controls”, because my friends – it’s coming.

Oh man, is it coming.

 

Listen here Mrs. Fishkins. I call you Mrs. because you whine and carry on like a woman. You clean house? Stay at home with your kids? Just put on a dress Mary and call it a day. You or ANY man who does women’s jobs are not real men and are a disgrace to use real men who go out and work everyday and provide for our families while you girly men stay at home and play nice.

get a job and stop being a woman.

I really have no response to this ignorance. It’s a shame that men still think this way in this day an age.

My Life

calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutions

A new year is upon us, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that it’s going to be 2015. Yeah. I graduated High school in 1995 – 20 years ago. I’ve been married since 2004 – be together with the warden my wife since January of 2001 – and the years are flying by at an alarming rate. I have three kids. Three. In twenty years my life has blossomed into a really cool sitcom and I couldn’t be happier. However in any happy life there are always room for improvements. No one, or any family or relationship is perfect, they all need work and sometimes we have to look inside ourselves to see what we can improve on. I’ve never made a New Years resolution before, no particular reason for it, but this year I’m going to try and work on a few things personally with my very own New Years resolution. I have decided to make a list of things that I should try and improve on:

To be a better husband
To be a better father
To be a better lover (hahaha who am I kidding? I’m the best!)
To be more acceptable of others
To learn to forgive and let go
To learn how to be more patient with others
To learn how to brush/comb/take care of my daughter’s hair
To eat less cookies
To use less curse words (gonna be hard with 3 kids though)
To not eat doughnuts that my wife buys for parties and tells me not to eat
To go to church more
To get more involved in my kids hobbies and activities
To eat healthier
To be less lazy
Play more of my son’s games
To cover the pool in the winter (it’s currently green)
To try and do stuff my wife asks me to do around the house within the first month of her asking
To do more laundry

and yada, yada, yada. I now see why I have never made a New Year’s resolution before. It’s too much work. I think I’ll just narrow it down to one thing: To be less lazy. That pretty much covers it all, sure it’s kind of cheating, but I only have one life and who wants to waste it doing stuff that I don’t want to do? Hey, I’m just being honest.

But in all seriousness though I’m going to take the new year to make a better me and I suggest you all do the same.

See ya next year. I’m out.

Bi-Polar Rants

Father-does-housework-whi-006

Recently on a Facebook post somewhere recently some mother was trying to get a job for her 14 year old to babysit some kids for his first job and to teach him responsibility;ty and how money and budgeting works. A small peek for a kid heading into adulthood. Personally I wouldn’t let a 14 year old watch my children, but this family lives locally and has many ties in the local community, but to each his own, that’s just my personal preference. I am highly impressed that this kid is so motivated at a young age when he could just be laying around playing video games. So of course like most threads on social media, the trolls started coming out of the woodwork (by the way I hate that phrase, why I use it I have no idea). What surprised me most though was the biggest trolls were grown men degrading a this parent for allowing their child to do a job that should only be done by women. Yes, some men still think this way, and sadly some always will. In fact he went so far as to bash all men who do things like laundry, cooking, cleaning and those of us that are stay at home dads. He was going on about how men of these statuses were not real men and not providing properly for their family. Somewhere along the thread one guy stood up for another, the one with the most ignorant comments by saying it was his belief because he was as he put it, “old school”.

I took offense to everything these guys were saying, not only because I’m a stay at home dad, because I’m more open minded and progressive thinking and not living in a world of ignorant thinking and close-minded views. First off, if these type of people think that they are grandfathered in and because that’s how it was, and still should be, what else do they think is Old School and thus okay to participate in? Segregation? Sexism? Women’s rights? I have to believe that it’s possible that these things get passed along generation to generation and some of these things sadly, will never die out.

So back to these guys on Facebook. Don’t they realize that by males learning “women” things that it makes males more rounded and better all around adults? That a family is based on leaning on each other, supporting one another and growing together? At first I became angry and wanted to lash out at them, but as I calmed down, I felt sadness towards the families living with men with these types of views. Can these types of views one day be eradicated from society? Let’s hope so, but sadly a lot of this will be passed down from fathers to sons causing another division of society to live on.

Sorry for rambling on a bit here, I wanted to get some of this off my chest before I crashed for the night.

Funny Pics

xmas-lights-fail1

This is a great solution if you live next to the Griswolds and can’t beat their Christmas light display. In fact this is much better than trying to one up your neighbors when it comes to Holiday decorating. This is simply genius.

About Me


I'm a stay at home dad. I change A LOT of diapers. Even more so now that my 2 year old thinks it's funny to take off her diaper while running around the house naked screaming as loud as she possibly can: "NAKED BUTT!"

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

JonesBenady: My Name is Jones Benady from Australia..I never believed in ..

MorganClara0011: I decided to share my life testimony on this forum because i ..

Erin Cody: It's unbelievable how fortunate I feel after finding your we ..

JanineHuldie: I have found all sorts of things in my shoes, too with my tw ..

JanineHuldie: Sadly I get it in spades and even sadder is that I am dreami ..

2TheImp: Oh dear holy old cheezits...you should check out my blogs on ..

ShannonDay: I laughed and nodded my way through this.  So funny! ..

homemom3: haha love it. As a stay at home mom of 5 I totally get this, ..

SamPsychMeds: LOVE! Sharing... ..

GillianStover: Stewart is brain damaged...must be the bullying... ..

jlaughlin982: I'm betting he was bullied because his name is Stewart. ..

sonoyuu: Some one once said "School is like prison, keep your head do ..

itmeansjoy: And a bigger shame that they can't spell 'us.' U-s-e?' Nope. ..

LRConsiderer: I think what 2Thelmp said below, is absolutely right - bully ..

2TheImp: I went through much of the same, and worse. School was a fre ..

AdamsBella1: My name is Adams Bella, i live and work in Oxfordshire, UK. ..

lizzy887: wow i never thought i will happy in my life ever again, i wa ..

lizzy887: wow i never thought i will happy in my life ever again, i wa ..

lizzy887: wow i never thought i will happy in my life ever again, i wa ..

lizzy887: wow i never thought i will happy in my life ever again, i wa ..

sonoyuu: Hello Mr. Daddy Fishkins, That person is just a troll, and n ..

sonoyuu: sylviawagers  I am very sorry to hear how things went downhi ..

sylviawagers: Unfortunately I was married to just such a man. When he got ..

CathyCreswell: @Jessie Wolf sigh...if only my man was like this.... ..

CathyCreswell: You're entitled to rant. It affects you personally. My broth ..